Known Dangers of the Bay Area

Seeing how I might be moving to the bay area in a couple months, I've been doing a lot of research to see what it's like. What I found is pretty startling, but also completely true. Here's 3 things to watch out for if your ever in San Francisco:


1. The Scary Bum Who Jumps Out at You From Behind the Bushes



Aparently he makes a pretty good living at it.



2. Giant, hippie-hating, cannibalistic squids!

"A mysterious sea creature up to 7 feet long, with 10 arms, a sharp beak and a ravenous appetite, has invaded ocean waters off Northern California. Packs of fierce Humboldt Squid attack nearly everything they see, from fish to scuba divers. Marine biologists are working to discover why they've headed north from their traditional homes off South America."

3. Free-Roaming Man-Eating Tigers

Somewhat concerned about the recent incident, I looked up some self defense videos on youtube in the event I was ever attacked by a blood thirsty tiger on the loose in San Franscisco.



Dave Salmoni demonstrates how you can defend yourself in just such an attack. Just follow these important steps:

Call it a big fat tiger, nibble its arm, introduce the zerbert, go for the skin fold, induce gag reversal, keep paws down, and then...
bite his nose...

Brilliant! You got that? Now, forget everything you just heard... and run for your lives!!! IT'S A TIGER!!! THE ZERBERT DOES NOTHING!!!! RUN!!!